Lyrics to Tail Toddle (Robert Burns, 1799)

…Tail toddle, tail toddle
…Tammie gars my tail toddle
…But an' ben wi' diddle doddle,
…Tammie gars my tail toddle.

When I'm deid I'm oot o' date
When I'm seik I'm fu' o' trouble
When I'm weel I stap aboot
An' Tammie gars my tail toddle.

Jessie Rack she gied a plack
Helen Wallace gied a boddle
Quo' the bride, " It's ower kittle
For to mend a broken doddle."

Oor guid-wife held ower to Fife
For to buy a coal riddle
Lang or she cam' back again
O Tammie gart my tail toddle.

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Translation to modern English:

Tail: a tail is the female pudenda (human external genital organs collectively, especially of a female…specifically refers to the vulva in slang).

Toddle: toddling is the motion backward and forward.

Tail toddle, tail toddle,
Tammy gars (1) my tail toddle,
But and ben (2) and diddle-doddle (3)
Tammy gars my tail toddle.

Jessie Lack she gi'ed a plack (4)
Helen Wallace gi'ed a bottle
Quoth (5) the bride, "It's ower-little (6)
For to mend a broken dottle (7)

Oor guid-wife (8) went o'wer to Fiffe,
Just to buy a coal-riddle.
Lang e'er she'd come back again,
Tammy'd gar'd my tail toddle

1 Makes
2 Up and down
3 To wag from side to side with great energy
4 A copper coin worth one third of a penny – possibly a plack-pie – a pie costing a plack.
5 Said
6 Very little
7 Plug, stopper – probably a euphemism for a hymen.
8 Mistress of the house

Hey, I didn't write it…just reporting on what people were singing in 1799.